


Lurking in the Trees

by FeatheredSnake



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Church hunting, First Kiss, M/M, Maggot Husbands (Good Omens), Rare Pairings, South Downs Cottage (Good Omens), Stalking, lurking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-14 04:15:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29164803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FeatheredSnake/pseuds/FeatheredSnake
Summary: Ligur was restored along with everything else after the apocalypse-that-not. Now Hastur and him are coming to spy on the happy couple responsible for his previous untimely demise. They discover a lot more about themselves than they hoped for.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Hastur/Ligur (Good Omens)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 38
Collections: Rare Omens





	Lurking in the Trees

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic _ever_ and I still don't know how it happened... it just happened.  
> Hastur and Ligur never really figured in my horizon before but I read the Rare Omens Event and then somehow they became a thing and begged to be heard, they made cute puppy eyes, so I... wrote.  
> Hopefully it is not _too_ bad given that I have absolutely zero experience writing fiction. Feel free to tell me so, it can only help improve, right? ;)
> 
> Anyway, I hope you like, I had fun imagining and writing it :)

##### A cottage in the South Downs

It is dusk and a demon is enjoying misting his plants inside his greenhouse. It is not overly hot this time of day, the plants will enjoy the cool refreshing mist (don’t tell them this is the reason he is doing it, he does because he has many other things more important to do during the day, _wink, wink_ ).

“My dear, I made some tea, do you want me to bring it here or would you come inside?”

“Thanks angel, I’ll be done here in a minute”

“Pray tell me, is that the same plant mister you used on Hastur when him and Ligur came to get you that day?”

“This? Yeah, in a way. Hastur made it explode when I was holding it but you know, things got restored so here it is, like new, cheapest and most efficient on the market”

“Yes, everything got restored… including Ligur for what I heard”

“Yes he did, indeed”

“So, how come he wasn’t present at your trial?”

“Nobody knew at the time. He died on Saturday before the apocalypse and then got restored sometime after the apocalypse. Apparently he just... appeared in his office and didn’t come out until he got the summons for my trial… on Tuesday morning!”

“Tuesday morning?!”

“Hell’s correspondence is not very efficient. That is how the Infernal Times tells it, anyway. Let’s go inside, angel.”

“Sure, I’ll meet you in the sitting room with the tea”

*****************************************************************************************

##### A tree across the street from a cottage in the South Downs

It is dusk and two demons, two Dukes of Hell have climbed a tree across a cottage in the South Downs hoping to be hidden by the branches and the leaves. They are lurking. They are very good at lurking. They have lurked together since lurking became a thing, although this is the first time they lurk from the top of a tree.

“Hey Hastur, can you see them?”

“I don’t know, I think I see something in that green glass room. Could be Mr. Slick. Could be his pet angel”

“Here, take one of these. Helps to see things that are far”

“How?”

“They are binoculars. You put it in front of your eyes”

“Binoculars? Two eyes? This thing doesn’t have two eyes”

“No, you put them right in front of your eyes… no, turn them around”

“Oh, I see them, I see them. Oh, is that wretched snake with that wretched holy water bottle. Wait, they are talking but I can’t hear.”

“Don’t worry, a little miracle and these power cables that connect to the house can carry the sound to us, we will be able to hear what they say, just wait a moment... What do you mean holy water bottle?”

“I never told you… that day, after you, you know… he threatened me with that bottle, he said it was filled with holy water, I didn’t believe him at the time, so I made it explode but see, he is immune so maybe it was holy water after all. I could have died too”

“It doesn’t matter. We are both here, safe and sound”

*****************************************************************************************

“It was nice of the antichrist to give them a second chance”

“Give _them_ a second chance? What do you mean?”

“Well, you know, Hastur and Ligur, they belong together. Think about it. They have lurked together since lurking was invented. They have always, _always_ , done everything together, even when they have had the opportunity to choose a different partner”

“Well, that doesn’t _necessarily_ mean they belong together. Maybe they are just used to working together as a team”

“Oh, no, you should have seen, during my trial, Hastur was so upset, completely distraught over me murdering Ligur. Beelzebub, Dagon and everybody else was going over me betraying Hell and the apocalypse and hiding the antichrist and working with you and whatnot, but Hastur. Hastur just kept going on and on and on about me killing Ligur. Even when nobody else paid any attention to it, he just wouldn’t let go”

“Hm, I guess I never thought about it”

“See Hastur now knows how much it hurts to lose Ligur. If he is smart he will tell him, he will not let Ligur die one more time without telling him how it felt, how he feels”

*****************************************************************************************  
“Is this true?”

“Of course it is true! The bastard killed you, he destroyed you with holy water, right in front of my eyes! Of course I wanted him to pay!”

“But Beelzebub and the others, the apocalypse, the antichrist, those were surely more important than me, I am just a Duke”

“Not to me, they are not! Once you were gone I didn’t care about the Great War anymore, all I wanted was for the bastard to pay. Oh I was so happy to see him melt in that holy water… but then that didn’t happen, I couldn’t believe it!”

“I guess I never thought about it… Hastur… Hastur look at me”

“Yes”

“If you ever die, I will not rest until I destroy the asshole who killed you, I would dismember him limb by limb, I would boil his entrails, I would flay him alive. I would… I would...”

“Th-Thank you… it-it means a lot that you say it… a lot… I-I didn’t know how much until now… until you said it”

“There is no need to cry. I just wanted you to know in case, you know”

“I am not crying. I am a demon, I don’t cry. You cry, that’s a tear on your cheek”

“I don’t know what you are talking about”

*****************************************************************************************

“They are just like you and me, they belong together, they just haven’t figured it out yet”

“So they really love each other… ”

“Yes they do. What? You thought _I_ was the only demon capable of love?”

“To be honest, yes, yes I did”

“Nah, I was just the only one to figure it out on my own. But once I did, I realized any demon can and believe me, those two love each other like anything. They just need to, you know, accept it”

“My dear, I have to say that even after all this time you still manage to surprise me every time. And what do you think they should do to, ah, accept it?”

“I don’t know, I mean, they are very different from you and I. I don’t see them going on an old-fashioned date, or a love confession under the moonlight. But a good kiss on the lips can never go wrong”

“Ah, a kiss like this one?”

“Just… like… this one… mmmm”

*****************************************************************************************

“Are they eating each other?”

“No, Hastur, that is a kiss. A lover’s kiss apparently”

“Looks disgusting”

“They seem to enjoy it”

“Wait, so let me get this straight. If you care about someone, you care enough to betray all of Hell, you care enough that you would risk your own life, you would risk your own reputation, all so you can be with them, if you care that much… you eat, I mean kiss them in the lips?”

“Hm, Yes?”

“I don’t know, I don’t trust him”

“I normally don’t trust other demons, funny old world if I did… but… this is a new world, and he does look happy with that angel of his. There could be something to this ‘kissing’ thing”

“You are not suggesting…”

“Why not? I mean, you already showed you care about me. I told you I care about you. He says this is what people who care about each other do. He does it with that angel and he looks… happy? Like I am happy when I lurk with you”

“And I am happy when I lurk with you too… Alright, we are supposed to just put our lips together?”

“They seemed to keep them locked for some time and they just... moved them?”

“Alright, come here… closer… closer"

"...."

"That was interesting"

“Interesting. They make it look so easy”

“I think they just have a lot of practice”

“We should practice more”

"...."

"...."

“That went better”

“I don’t want better. I want _good_. I mean bad”

*****************************************************************************************

“I love you, angel”

“I love you too, my dear”

"...."

"...."

*****************************************************************************************

"...."

"...."

“That was completely _badass_ ”

“Hehe… hehehe… Aha-ha AHA-HA!”

“Shh, stop cackling, you are going to get us caught”

“Sorry, sorry, I got carried away”

“Where are the binoculars?... oh there”

“What are they doing now?”

“I don’t know. Are they fighting?

“Maybe... Wait… No... Doesn’t look like it.

“Then why is Crowley sitting on top of the angel?”

“I don’t know, it looks like he is trying to start that kissing thing again”

*****************************************************************************************

“Oh, my dear, stop that, our tea will get cold”

“Don’t wanna”

“Crowley. Stop it. We have all night to kiss and cuddle and do whatever else you want. Right now I want to enjoy our tea, please”

“Ok, fine. We do have all night to ourselves after all. We don’t have ‘lurk duties’”

“‘Lurk duties’?”

“Yeah, Hastur and Ligur, that is their main job, they lurk and lurk, damn good lurkers the both of them. I bet they could get their lurking done in half the time if they wanted to. Get themselves a nice abandoned church in no-longer consecrated ground, next to a good proper cemetery, spend the other half of their time lounging there, just enjoying each other’s company”

“Abandoned churches have a lot of space, some good furniture that could be repurposed, or you could bring new one, lots of space”

“That’s the spirit, angel!”

“Some nice wines, maybe a gramophone”

“Nobody wants a gramophone, Hastur doesn’t even know what that is. But churches have those huge pipe organs, maybe they can learn to play something”

“As long as they don’t try to sing”

“Ha! That’s an image. Anyway, so many things to explore together, in a little space just for the two of them, their little nest”

“We had the backroom in my bookshop, they could have their little church in their own little lurking nest”

“They could have a place to store corpses or whatever Hastur’s maggots eat… and whatever Ligur’s little guy eats”

“Sounds lovely”

*****************************************************************************************

“It does sound nice, doesn’t it?”

“Our own church? with a graveyard of our own?”

“Away from the office, with no leaks, no buckets, no maintenance to deal with?”

“Where we can put the signs we want on the walls”

“And lick them if we want”

“Have you actually ever licked the walls?”

“No! Have you seen them!? But, if we wanted to, we could cover them with something we actually wanted to lick”

“Oh yes! I think I like this idea. And I think I know the perfect church”

“Wait, Ligur, you are not really considering… _you are_ ”

“Oh yes, I think the snake has a point. _We_ are the best lurkers in Hell, we can get our 12-hour lurking done in let’s say 7, 8 hours tops, that leaves us 4 hours for ourselves, to do whatever we want and no one will ever know”

“This is madness”

“Hastur... look at me. I died once. This is my second chance at living. I want to live, not just the day-by-day living, but real living, enjoying life and I want you with me. I think I want this, our church, our graveyard, our space and those kisses that we still need to practice. Do you want this?”

“Yes, yes I do. I lost you once, I don’t want to lose you again. I want to enjoy every second with you while we can. Let’s go and find our church”

“I think I know the place. It is a little one in Spain, close to where Torquemada grew up, I think you will like it”

“If you like it, I think I will too”

“Let’s go”

“Let’s go”

It is night and two demons, two Dukes of Hell climb down from a tree across a cottage in the South Downs. They reach the ground but that doesn’t stop them, they keep going and disappear beneath the ground. Nobody knows where they go although we suspect it may be Spain.

*****************************************************************************************

“My dear?”

“Yes?”

“Your thingy… Anyone looking?”

“My thingy? my thingy? Someone’s sake! And stop moving your fingers like that, this is not your magic show. Yes. I checked, No one is looking. They are gone, angel”

“My wily old serpent, I am so glad you put up those Hastur alarm wards and the Hastur plant mister warning system. I thought you were being paranoid but you were so right”

“Orange mister for everyday plant care, green mister for when Hastur is around. I am just happy you caught on so quickly”

“I love you so much. So they’ll go back to Hell and leave us alone then?”

“Oh yes, they will leave us alone alright, but they are not going to Hell. They are going to get themselves a villa in Spain!”

“What? No”

“Oh yes. We were very convincing. They kissed, they confessed their undying love for each other and they are going church hunting right now.”

“But, how?”

“I painted the perfect picture of an idyllic life. _They_ may be the best lurkers in Hell, but _I_ am still the best tempter… But how about, we forget about the Dukes of Hell and you let me tempt you to a nice session of cuddling and whatnot”

“Mmm temptation accomplished”

It is night and a demon is enjoying time spent with his angel. They both worked hard to earn their own idyllic life and they work hard every day so nobody takes it away from them. And if they get to show off and inspire others every once in a while, well, are they really to blame?


End file.
